New York Afternoon

I'm not a New Yorker. I miss those days, and it will always be part of me, but the truth is that after years of living below the Mason-Dixon line, my trips back to the city (and yes, it will always be "the city") involve a lot of feeling like a tourist. I've even gotten to the point of feeling more brazen and less embarrassed taking out my camera and snapping away. The awe of NYC's energy and beauty won't ever fade, and I have to admit that I feel a bit liberated being able to soak it all in through the eyes of a visitor.

While the hubs and I were up in the area over Thanksgiving, we hopped on down to the city to have lunch with friends. We passed through Grand Central, which is such a beautiful station. I always feel so grand walking down that big staircase and reading the train times from the boards.

After lunching and margarita-ing with one of my oldest friends, the hubs and I walked around Rockefeller Plaza to do some Christmas shopping. The tree wasn't lit yet, but it was fun to see it and enjoy the city in the twilight. The crowds actually weren't too bad, and every few steps I kept sighing and turning to the hubs to exclaim, "Everything is so beautiful! I love it here!"

As we headed back to Grand Central, I felt that familiar tug that builds each time I visit the city. I know that the subway is terribly smelly and hot, and the rent is outrageous, but still... there is no place quite like it anywhere else in the world. I love the energy, I love the largeness, I love the glamour, I love the grime. I don't know if we will end up back in New York next year, but I do know that the city has wooed me.

Until next time, New York.

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In Between in Brooklyn

Labor Day weekend was perfect. It just was. I had a marvelous time with two of my oldest friends, easing through the day without any hint of being rushed, enjoying small things like a root beer float, a much-needed breeze on a stifling subway platform, and a cheery flower stuck into a bottle-turned-vase. There was so much to be thankful for, and I think we all savored those moments. I saw parts of Williamsburg I didn't realize existed, and I was introduced to hidden pockets in parts I had been to before. There's something fun about playing tourist in the city I grew up so close to, and I had two very lovely guides to escort me around.

This was perfection. I know that so few things in life are perfect, but this weekend was. Friendships need attention, and it's too easy to say that friends will be there and ready to pick up where we left off. Will they really? Maybe. But so much happens in between, so much of our life is made up of those in-between moments, and when we miss them for our friends, it's a loss. I am so thankful that I've been able to fill in a few pages, even if it took a major kick in the butt to do it. Here's to more of the in-between.

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Sunday Currently : 34

Sometimes you reeeeally need a weekend in the city with old friends, but you don't realize how much you needed it until it actually happens, and you wake up the next morning on your friend's futon, the soft gray light of a cloudy NYC morning streaming in through the window, and you let the memories of yesterday trickle through your mind. And you smile and wrap the blanket around your legs, and you wait for today to begin.

reading : Native Son. I didn't have any free time to read during the week, but my DC-NYC bus ride has given me a good opportunity to get back into it!

writing :  Err, okay, so I totally failed on this front last week. As it turns out, blogging while working full-time is preeeettty hard. I only put up two posts, one of which was the Sunday Currently. I have posts ready to go, but I have yet to tie up a few loose ends before hitting "Publish." Perhaps this week will be better? I think Blogtember will be a big help...

listening :   To the AC running in the living room. White noise is so soothing this morning.

thinking :   About how wonderful these ladies are and how much I need to make them a larger part of my life. It's hard living in different cities, but putting in the effort to be present for each other lives is important. I'm realizing just how much I missed them.

smelling :   Cold air? It's a welcome change from the HOT stale air of the subway platform, that's for sure.

wishing :   For no rain today. I have only one pair of sandals with me, and I don't want them to get soaked! Plus, I would like wear my maxi dress tonight, and I don't want the bottom to get wet from puddles.

hoping :   For increased energy this week. Work is gradually getting busier and more jam-packed, and I need to hit my stride so that I'm not quite so dependent on caffeine to stay alert. Momentum, feel free to arrive soon. 

wearing :   PJs. Being in the city this weekend reminds of how different NYC and DC are in terms of fashion. I rarely feel self-conscious about my preppy J Crew outfits in DC, but in New York there is definitely pressure to be hipstery cool and trendy. I don't think I'm quite there yet, though, as today's planned outfit involves mint J Crew shorts and a navy blue anchor blouse. :)

loving :  My friends! I love laughing with them, walking with them, and being with them.

wanting :  A cold glass of water and a tasty brunch.

needing :  More moments like yesterday. They're good for the soul.

feeling :   Thankful for the overwhelmingly good prognosis for my friend's cancer treatment!!!!! I learned yesterday that her doctors are cutting out her last 4 scheded rounds of chemo, which means that she will be done in September!!! I am so excited at how well she has responded, and I am so thankful for the thoughts and prayers so many of you have offered for her. I really do believe that those things matter. Thank you!

clicking :   On the many many blogs I have not read for the past several days... though to be honest, it's probably going to be a while until I'm completely caught up. Live life first, go on internet later. We have brunches to eat and laughs to have!

Linking up with Lauren for the Sunday Currently 

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Last week on The Quixotic Chica:

Sunday Currently / Strathmore

Empire State

I was in New York a few weeks ago, and I stayed with a dear friend at her lovely apartment. After the gossip and the wine, the lights were eventually turned out, and I tiptoed over to the window to peek through the blinds at the world below.

New York, New York. The city that never sleeps. I don't know if I will ever call it "home" again, but it will always feel like a mix of familiarity and strangeness. I've seen it all before, yet I still get that shivering thrill when the lights glow against the night sky, and the buildings soar up in the sky in ways that shock me. We don't have that in DC. Life is closer to the ground, slower. I feel smaller in the city, humbled by the skyscrapers, the languages, the rush, the importance. It might be lonely to some, but I feel surrounded by stories and the lives of many, and together they weave around me and sweep me into the fabric of New York. It's okay, they say, we'll take care of you here... as long as you don't block the sidewalk. Just keep moving.

If it's not home, then I don't quite know what it is. Maybe it's a dream. Maybe it's a fantasy. But as I pressed my fingers to the window, trying to reach out to the Empire State Building, maybe it didn't really matter. Maybe it's just the New Yorker in me. 

Brooklyn Daydreams

I just haven't had it in me to blog this week. Things at work were extra busy this week, and the combination of too many nights getting home after 9 or 10 in the evening was taking a toll. Last night I wearily thought of a post for today, but then I started to melt into the couch, buried my face in my cat's tail, and decided I was just too tired.

The good thing about being tired, though, is that it brings vivid, wild dreams. Lately those dreams have been about Brooklyn. My sister has lived there for a couple of years after over a decade in Manhattan, and I love the charm and quiet of her neighborhood. I'm headed up that way next weekend for Easter, and I can't wait to stroll along the Promenade and meander through the quaint streets. This might be my last time to do this, at least in a way that includes my sister's home, as she and her family might be moving to Westchester. I'm excited for them, but I'm also sad to think that the days of NYC adventures with my sister are changing-- not truly ending, but definitely changing.

This, of course, made me feel nostalgic for Brooklyn before it's even gone, and I found myself flipping through the engagement photos that the hubs and I did there last summer. Oh, BK, you have my heart (so does the hubs). So, if you'd like, let's take a little stroll down Memory Lane.

Le sigh. Cobblestone streets, brick buildings, and bright sunlight bouncing off the water... these are some of the things that are weaving through my daydreams.

Any other daydreamers out there today? Where are your daydreams taking you?

Photo Credit: Julian Ribinik Photography

Nothing to show for it?

Last weekend, one of my friends and I were catching up over breakfast, and the conversation inevitably turned to the possibility of moving, wanting to buy a house or apartment, and how expensive our respective cities are. That New York Times article about the middle class in Manhattan struck a chord with a lot of people I know, and as sobering as it was to read, it wasn't exactly news to any of us. Manhattan is really too expensive for most people to live in, and even Brooklyn, which used to be the butt of sooo many jokes, is getting too pricey. It seems as though you have to be über-wealthy to shake that feeling of just barely getting by.

My friend and I were bemoaning the fact that although we can both continue to scrape by, it will probably always be like that if we remain in the city (NYC much more than DC, but still). At some point we'll want to expand our families, and with that comes the need for something larger than a one-bedroom apartment. Sure, by the time those babies come into our lives, we will hopefully have better salaries, but will it really be enough to cover rent and baby expenses? This started to raise a lot of anxiety about how we should have all of those things, how our former high school classmates who stuck to the suburbs or ventured to other parts of the country have those things, and how unfair it is that we will be lagging behind them just because we live in urban areas.

"I want a house!" I cried.

"I want a lawn," she whispered.

"I want to have nice furniture."

"I want to own something. I'm an adult and have nothing to show for it."

When it came down to it, we both realized that the idea that we should have a house, a husband, and babies by the time we're 30 just wasn't going to come true. Yes, I'm married at 27, but I'm also still in grad school and will just be starting my career in the next couple of years. Even then, the hubs will still be in school, and we'll be in our mid-30s before both of us are (hopefully) working full-time. We chose that lifestyle because we're both big nerds who wanted to accumulate degrees (and, you know, learn things), but it also means that unless we dramatically change our location, there will be no house-owning for at least a few more years.

My friend is also 27, lives in Brooklyn, and is partnered. She and her boyfriend have jobs (hurrah!) in the music industry, so their perspective on being priced out of even Brooklyn was particularly interesting to me. Artists are not exactly known for raking in big bucks, so when they can no longer afford to live in a city that represents mecca for so many creative types, where do they go? More importantly, how will that change artist "scenes" and communities?

I don't think I have the answers to some of these questions. What I do have is the realization that whoever made up the rule that we should be in a certain point in our lives by a given age was totally wrong. Today's reality means that I can't have all the things that I want and feel entitled to, and it will probably be a while longer before the materials around me reflect what I think an adult "should" have.

Yet even that idea doesn't sit well with me. Owning material goods shouldn't make me more or less of an adult. With the internet, it's easy to get glimpses into other people's lives and feel jealous that they have nice houses and go on extravagant vacations, but it seems silly that those things should project them ahead of me in the Adult Game. Why can't my degrees, my happiness, my maturity, and other intangible things "show" my adultness? What if what I have to show for my place in life isn't the same as somebody else's-- is one really better than the other? When it comes down to it, I don't want to feel as though I'm always competing with those around me. The news article made me realize that living in the city forever probably isn't feasible for us, and I need to accept that. It doesn't make me any better or worse, and I need to be open to being responsible over having pretty, flashy things.

I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't know where the hubs and I will be living, I don't know exactly what type of job I will have, and I don't know if I will ever get the dream house I fantasize about. And that's okay. It's sad sometimes, and it's frustrating most of the time, but it's also okay. Living my life by the standards of somebody else is something I have never wanted to do, and that shouldn't stop now. Keeping up with appearances is exhausting, and I'm going to define my "adulthood" in my own way. It's the only way.