My Body Manifesto

What would you put in your body manifesto? What do you declare for yourself? What are your rights, and what do you deserve?

The Numbers Behind Eating Disorders

Today, let's talk statistics.

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About 20 million women in the United States will have an eating disorder at some point in their life. Of those, about 95% are females between the ages of 12 and 25, and the number of inpatient hospitalizations, meaning treatment for people whose disorders have made them medically unstable or psychologically unable to commit to safety (i.e. suicidality), for people above the age of 35 is on the rise.

What do these numbers mean? They mean that eating disorders aren't going away. They are not limited to White teenagers, and they are not a problem of the rich. Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and mental illness knows no boundaries when it comes to socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation.

I often hear a lot of blame from people who don't understand EDs. They say things like, "Why doesn't she just eat a hamburger?" or "They just want attention-- how pathetic!" Statements like these assume that EDs are all about food (they're not) and that it is easy for somebody with an ED to simply alter their behavior and get over it (it's not). For many people, eating disorders signal that the individual is struggling to regulate their emotional experiences in a healthy way. The food becomes the target and a symptom, but to say that it stops there grossly underestimates the complexity of the human experience. The food becomes a symbol, a way of punishing one's self and of numbing out from the world. Too little food? I didn't deserve to eat, anyway. Binge eating to the point of physical discomfort? I needed to comfort myself somehow. Purging afterwards? I didn't deserve that comfort, anyway. (Please note that restricting, binge eating, and purging can mean different things for different people. These are just examples and in no way are meant to represent everybody's experience with an eating disorder.)

I fear that if we don't change the way we talk about eating disorders, obesity, and body image, we are setting ourselves up for a very unhealthy world. I feel horror and sadness when I think that 81% of 10-year-olds fear being fat. Do you know what I feared when I was 10 years old? That I would do something stupid in front of the boy I had a crush on. That my piano teacher would realize I hadn't practiced my piece that week. That recess would be cut short that day. Weight never entered the picture, but sadly, weight is more and more the focus of young people's environments.

Eating disorders are the most deadly mental illness. More people die from anorexia nervosa than any other mental illness. Period. This is a very serious disorder, and we don't benefit from pretending that it's not.

Eating disorders aren't just limited to women, either. Boys and men can develop eating disorders, too, and they most certainly can engage in disordered eating behaviors. We don't tend to talk about them because we assume they are immune to body concerns, but that might just be part of the problem. Our assumptions are wrong, and men suffer at the expense of our silence.

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Did you realize that about 40% of men are dissatisfied with their bodies? We tend to view men as being detached and buffered from body criticism, but the truth is that they are facing increasing pressure to be fit, muscular, and rock-solid. Most men just can't naturally attain that ideal. How many men are silently berating themselves for failing to meet that unrealistic standard?

What's even more unsettling for me is that while ten million men in the United States will at some point suffer from an eating disorder, they are far less likely than women to seek treatment-- only one in ten men with an eating disorder will seek treatment.  Even if they do ask for help, they face limited treatment options since most treatment facilities are for women only. While a formal treatment facility isn't a necessary treatment option for everyone with an eating disorder, what are men supposed to do if their illness is severe enough to warrant more intensive care?

The numbers behind eating disorders are scary. These are serious illnesses, and we need to take them seriously. Spread the word. Be informed.

What statistics stand out to you? What do you make of them?

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Thanks for getting me through the past 27 years! We've had some rough moments, but you never gave up on me, and here we are. I appreciate you now in a way that I don't think I realized was possible before. You are healthy, and though you could probably be stronger, you're pretty resilient. I think of you as part of me now. I've learned to accept you more fully and stop criticizing you. What would the point of that be? You're the only body I've got, and it wouldn't be fair to you if I didn't accept you. I can tell we're both happier when I accept and stop judging.

I'm trying to listen to you more. I know you need rest, so I'm going to let you sleep at normal times. I know you need to pushed, though, too, so I'm going to try to make you stronger. I can tell you like when we go running because you give me so much energy afterwards, and you make me feel more alert. Thanks for that, body. Sometimes we both need a jumpstart. I'm trying to feed you in the ways you need and to be more consistent. I know you like when I pack snacks in my bag, body, so I'll keep doing that for the times we get stuck on the metro for too long. Snacks are good.

I'm sorry for the times I didn't take good care of you. You deserved better than that. We're both stronger now, and I promise to value you. Nobody's perfect, and I shouldn't get angry with you for being human. Thanks for not getting angry with me for being human, either.

Feet, you bring me around to so many great places. We like to walk as much as possible, and even when you're tired, you keep on going. I try not to make you wear uncomfortable shoes, and I think we both agree that sometimes sneakers are really the best thing ever invented.

Wrists, I've been unkind to you lately. I know you don't like when I play on my laptop in bed and make you rest at weird angles. I need to work on this, wrists, and I just ask that you hang in there.

Calves, I really like you. We've always gotten along. You're strong and help me leap around, and even when I stopped dancing, you reminded me of what I was capable of.

Breasts, I've probably been the hardest on you. You get in the way sometimes, and I've spent a lot of energy hating you and wishing you away. I'm sorry. As far as boobs go, you really are pretty great, and I'm sorry that I made you feel bad. We've started to reconcile in the past couple of years, and I think we're on our way to getting along more often.

Hair, you are totally crazy, but I now realize that you just reflect my personality. I tried to make you flat and straight, but that just isn't who you are. You like to be wild and untamed and curly, and I respect that. We've had a lot more fun together once I realized who you really were.

Body, I think we both know now that there is no such thing as being perfect. There's no perfect body, and there's no perfect woman. Even so, I love you. We're committed to each other, you and I, and life is so much better when we work together. Thanks, body, for getting me here and joining me on my adventures. I couldn't have done this without you.

Mindfulness

Close my eyes.

Breathe.

Pay attention.

Listen.

Worries, worries, worries, weaving through my mind, wind whipping them around as they bounce off the walls. Worries, worries, worries.

Breathe.

Thoughts like leaves floating on a stream, bobbing along the surface, slowly passing by.

Notice them. Let them pass. More will come. Let them pass.

Pay attention.

My forehead is pinched, my jaw is tense, my shoulders drawn in. Notice it. Realize. Relax.

How long have I been tense like that? Gentle curiosity, nonjudgment, awareness.

Listen.

Feel more connected. Cars driving by, the swoosh of tires over wet pavement, a child singing outside. So much life everywhere.

Open my eyes.

Fighting Fat Talk

"Ugh, I'm so fat."

"My thighs look disgusting in these pants."

"You look so great-- you lost weight!"

"I hate my body."

"I have to lose 5/10/20 pounds, and I have to weigh X pounds. I would be so happy then, and my life would be so much better!"

Do any of those sentences sound familiar? Have you ever given or received praise for losing weight? Have you ever looked in the mirror and glared at those spots that are a little rounder than you'd like? Have you ever complained with your girlfriends about how you feel fat/look fat/are getting fat and need to do something about it?

We all have.

One of the most challenging parts of having a positive body image, meaning viewing your body size/shape/weight in a positive way, is that in many societies and cultures, it has become the norm to trash talk our bodies. It is socially acceptable to say that skinny and thin are better than not-skinny and not-thin. It is socially acceptable to be disgusted by people who are overweight or obese and attribute negative traits to them (out of control, undisciplined, lazy, unintelligent) solely on the basis of their weight. It is socially acceptable to to talk about foods in terms of "good" and "bad" and to gush over "guilt-free," "sin-free," "low-cal" foods as though we have accomplished something truly great by consuming something with a marginally lower fat or calorie content.

I don't think anyone is a terrible person for doing any of the above. Again, we've all done some of them at some point. But I ask you this: What if we didn't?

What if the next time we looked in the mirror, we said, "You're beautiful" and smiled at our reflection?

What if we shifted the focus from weight and pounds to health and strength?

What if we told our friend who just called herself "fat" that she is beautiful and that she is worth more than a number or a size?

What if we looked someone in the eye the next time they make a rude comment about someone who is overweight and said, "That's not okay to say" and didn't laugh along?

What if we stopped praising people for chasing an unhealthy thin ideal and started praising people for other characteristics with more enduring value, like their kindness, their tenacity, their faith, or their creativity?

Stop. Close your eyes. Think about how you would answer those questions. I don't mean them to be throw-away questions. Really think about them. What would your world look like if you did any of those? How would your own self-view change? How would you impact those around you with your new perspective?

This week, in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I am taking a stand against fat talk.  I am embracing my body, I am not judging any one else's body, and I am using my voice to encourage others to think about the way they view and speak about their own bodies. Then, when this week is over, I am doing it all over again.

It's normal to have a negative body image. Our culture says that we need to look a certain way, and that ideal is very unattainable. Rather than struggle to fit the mold, however, I choose acceptance and health.  I choose love, and I choose a positive self-image. I am more than a weight or a size or a shape, and you are, too.

Let's fight fat talk together. You deserve it.