Hot Hot Heat

It has been the type of hot where the heat seems to hang in the air and make each step exceedingly difficult, as though you are futilely trying to break through an impenetrable barrier of sludge. It smacks you in the face and clings to every single part of your skin. It seeps into every part of your being and just hangs there. Smothering. Suffocating. Sickening.

It's been the type of hot where even the air conditioner is sweating, and you snap more quickly than you used to. The heat has struck a match under every little annoyance, and then poof, there goes the fire. Your thoughts revolve around how hot it is, how great it would be not to be so hot, and when will it stop being so freaking hot. This, incidentally, does not make it any less hot.

It's been the type of hot where even the doorways are bloated, and the paint sticks to the doorframe and exposes the wood beneath. Every single surface seems to emanate heat, and they all do so in protest. You begin to memorize on which step the hot air hits you as you begrudgingly walk up the stairs, and you would give a big uugghhhh, but then you remember that speaking makes you feel hotter, so you just sweat some more.

It's been the type of hot where it brings out people's accents, as though the heat has somehow melted away our filters until each Midwestern twang and Southern drawl rattles around in our voices and exposes where we really came from. You almost want to make fun of these suddenly exaggerated pronunciations, but really, it's too hot to put too much effort into anything. It's better to just lean back into your chair, where you're suctioned to the seat anyway, and give in to your Long Island vowels. 

But then there's a gust of cold air from an open door, or a heroic breeze that lifts your heavy hair from your sticky neck. There's an ice cube, or a lemonade, or maybe an ice cream, and it bravely fights the heat and reminds you that you will get through this. You will find the shade. It won't last forever. It can't last forever.

There will be relief.

And sometimes, there will also be Bell's Oberon. 

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Sunday Currently : 28

Oh, heat wave, you really need to be done now. I'm thankful that I spent the brunt of the heat wave indoors at work, where the AC blasts and turns us into ice cubes, but since Friday was my last day of work, I must face the next week and a half on my own until my new job/clinical placement starts. I'm hoping that today is a little bit cooler, especially since the hubs and I are headed up to Baltimore this afternoon to see the U.S. Men's National Team play El Salvador, followed by a Honduras v. Costa Rica match. As long as we don't all die of heatstroke, it should be a fun day of soccer!

First, however, is a farewell brunch for one of my friends who is leaving us for the beaches of Hawaii, where she starts her her internship next week. Most of our little group will be staying in DC, so it's especially hard to think of one of us being so far away. I think we'll need to do a lot of Skype and searching of airline deals to go visit her.... any reason for a Hawaiian adventure is a good one!!

reading : The very end of Catch-22. I'm almost done, I swear! I do, however, have to pick my next book to read while I'm up in New York later this week. Suggestions?

writing : Post ideas for this blog, mental to-do lists... I am finally putting up the rest of our honeymoon posts! I haven't even started on Barcelona yet, and that will probably require at least two or three posts. Stay tuned!

listening :  To the AC running and to the cats running around chasing each other. I'm glad that they've finally gotten to this point where they can play with each other, even if there is still the occasional bop on the head.

thinking :  About the balance between doing fun social things and doing enjoyable stay-at-home things. As much as I do truly love being out with friends or going out to big events, I find that I'm not recharged until I get some quiet time at home.

smelling :  The heat. It's just... hanging there.  

wishing :  For a plane ticket to Hawaii to visit my friend. I probably won't be able to visit until internship is over next summer, but maybe I pinch my pennies I can hop on over there? Maybe?

hoping :  That our backyard fence gets replaced soon so that I can plant some more flowers alongside it. We used to have excellent privacy and coverage from the giant shrubs that lined our property, but they were sadly ripped out to make room for the fence that is supposed to be installed. Now we have a shell of a fence and no shrubs, which is a major eyesore.

wearing :  My usual PJs combo, but since I have brunch and soccer later today, I'll need to change into real clothes pretty soon.

loving : How happy new flowers make me. There is something so exciting about planting flowers in the yard and tending to them that can make the whole experience the highlight of my day. It's nice to take care of something. 

wanting : New clothes. I put about a third of my closet (this might only be a sliiiiight exaggeration, but still) into a pile for donation, and now I must face the reality of not having enough work-appropriate clothes to get through my new full-time working gal status. Banana Republic, you have tempted me with your dresses and skirts, but I must wait for a discount code before I give in...

needing :  To get moving. It's just so hard when all I want to do on Sundays is laze around and move slowly!  

feeling :  A bit anxious about how quickly this summer seems to be going by and a little sad that I didn't really have much free time to have fun around town. There are the weekends, of course, but wouldn't it be great to have Tuesdays or Thursdays wide-open to visit museums or grab lunch at a downtown food truck? 

clicking :  On the New York Times. This week, I've loved this article about President Obama's reflections on the reality of being a Black man in this country, as well as the NY Times Magazine discussion on race. As a research nerd, I find the issue of the social constructions of race to be very interesting, and these articles made my mind work.

Linking up with Lauren for the Sunday Currently 

Also, I've added my Instagram account to my social media links down below, so feel free to start following me there!

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Tick Tock

Time is sliding away.

I grasp at it clumsily, but my fingers feel heavy like lead and move in all the wrong ways. I miss time by minutes and months, and I feel slow and dumb and dull. I blink, but my eyelids move too slowly, and by the time they have opened again, the field is blurry and wrong, and it is gone. Time has passed me again, leaving me behind, confused, sluggish, and too late.

In other moments, I forget about time, and I frantically whirl about, racing forward, tumbling onward. Time has no place, and we have never met, and I keep whirling whirling whirling, and the dizzness whirls and whirls and whirls. Then I suddenly remember, and all things halt. I frantically try to gather time around me, grabbing at it with both hands, inhaling it, devouring it, melting it. But then it is gone again, and it has left a mess, and I am alone, ravaged and askew. It is too late to make amends. It has left me, or maybe I have left it. I call out to it, begging, crying, full of regret. I'm sorry, time. I'm sorry.

Occasionally I am successful in remembering time, and we are one, languid and floating, laughing and dancing. Time is everywhere, and it is abundant. Time is golden, and I am golden, and together we glow like the fireflies and the candlelight and the stars, and everything is good again.

When it has flitted away, I try to beckon it back to me, recalling the quiet moments spent in peace, simply being. I can find it there in the sun, in the walks, in the laughter. What good times time and I had together then, when we relaxed and reclined as old friends. Perhaps time will slowly return to me, and I will be careful not to startle it by moving too fast or yelling too loud. I will approach it slowly, step by step, breath by breath. It will stand still, watching, waiting to see what happens next.

Tick tock.

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To Fire Island

 I am a child of the ocean. Arms outstretched in the sun, I let my fingers dangle over the railing. The ferry glides along the bay, and the spray from the surf below catches on my skin and clings in fine salty droplets, the wind slowly guiding them up my arm in tiny streams. I let the crash of water against the rudder wash away my thoughts, and I sit there, quiet and peaceful, as the waves cleanse me of my worries. For now, my mind is quiet, soaking in the bay waters, pure at last. The sun is warm and everywhere, and it wraps around me like an old friend, hugging me, soothing me, comforting me. Rest, it says. Be at peace. We will keep you safe. I am a child of the ocean, and this ferry is my vessel, guiding me everywhere and nowhere. I know this journey well, every bump of the wave, every seagull's cry, every gust of salt air. Take me, save me, nourish me, replenish me. My destination awaits, but for now we have this, these precious moments on water, floating, racing, waiting, being. Let me stay here for just one moment more. I am a child of the ocean.

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Sunday Currently : 27

 Happy Sunday! This weekend, the hubs and I traded in damp, humid DC for the damp, humid Hudson Valley.  My family gathered at my sister's new house in Westchester to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday, and, predictably, the time has passed all too quickly. Can we just press the pause button on time, please? Can we just all win the lottery so that we can work part-time and have four-day weekends? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

reading : Oh boy, not too much. I'm still unofficially reading Catch-22, but I don't think I've opened it at all this week. Must get back to it! In the meantime, I am also trying to catch up on all of the blogs I haven't had time to read this week. Work has been especially chaotic and long this week, and I've found that I'm too exhausted to do anything but sprawl pathetically on the couch when I get home. This will change! 

writing : Drafts of posts that I've been compiling but have yet to publish. I've been pretty bad lately with getting posts up lately, and it seems that there has just been so much going on the past couple of weeks. I don't mean to neglect this blog, and I'm definitely aiming to get back on track this week.

listening :  The clinks, clanks, and voices of my sister's house. There is so much going on!

thinking :   About this afternoon's scheduled adventure to track down night tables! My sister has picked up some amazing furniture  courtesy of neighbors who have put them out on the curb, and legend has it that Cold Spring and/or Peekskill has some similar treasures in their antique shops. Will we find something? I hope so!

smelling :   Coffee and eggs. Thanks, frister!

wishing :   For more time to explore the Hudson Valley this weekend. I love it up here along the river, and though I know more exploring will come in the future, I'd like be lazy and enjoy it all today.

hoping :   For minimal traffic on the drive back to DC. Ha!

wearing :  PJs. I think this has been my answer for the past few weeks, but it's all true! Comfort is key for sticky summer mornings.

loving :   How green it is up here. Our run near Silver Lake was so beautiful, and I loved running under the canopy of trees as the rain trickled down.

wanting :  Bedside tables!

needing :   Breakfast. Those eggs smell really good...

feeling :   Sore from our run, as I realized I haven't run outdoors in a very long time, and my running sneakers have been neglected ever since our move. It felt great to get moving and to push myself, and now my quads have been reminded of what physical activity feels like. 

clicking :   On the New York Times Magazine article about actress Gaby Hoffman. In it, she speaks about how NYC is no longer as open to artists and creativity as it was in the past, particularly because spaces have grown exclusively expensive, and it made me think of how, sadly, all places must change. It also made me wonder about the future of NYC as a creative haven and how artists respond to their physical space.

Linking up with Lauren for the Sunday Currently 

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Yay, I Was Defrauded of $1000!

Ugh.

Honestly, when it rains, it pours. Despite having a rather lovely and perfect beach getaway this past weekend, this past week has overall been kind of rough. Most recently, on Sunday I decided to check my bank account balance from my phone while waiting for the train.... and immediately saw that someone had been withdrawing large sums of money from a hotel ATM in Greece. 

Insert panic here.

Naturally, I called my bank and reported the unauthorized activity. My account was frozen, a new debit card will be sent to me, and I should receive the full amount that was stolen from me. However, there are three things that keep running through my mind. First, how did my bank miss this? I was using my card in NYC at the same time the fraudulent copy was being used in Greece. It didn't look suspicious that I was supposedly in two different continents at the same time? The Fraud Department seriously messed up on this one. Second, it seems that the magnetic strip from my card was copied and used to make the fraudulent card being used abroad at the ATM. This means that one of the ATMs or retailers I went to recently is intentionally or unintentionally scamming people. Gross. Third, this person used the hotel ATM several times over the course of the weekend and withdrew over $1000 of my money. Again, although I should be getting my money back, it feels disgusting that this creep had a rockin weekend on my behalf.

This is such a violating experience. I am so grateful that I noticed the withdrawals before the thief managed to completely drain all of my accounts, but it still feels awful. Ugh. I want to literally shake this feeling off of me. If only it were that easy!

I don't want this to be a negative space, but I needed my little mini-rant about this. Blahhhh!!!!

Has anyone else been through something like this? Did the culprit ever get caught?

Sunday Currently : 26

I needed this weekend, and it delivered. There is nothing so calming and safe as being home. The familiar creaks of the floorboards, the cats squinting at me from the linen closet, the hydrangeas everywhere.... they all reassure me that everything will be okay. 

We had perfect beach weather yesterday, and my mom and I spent the afternoon sprawled in the sand, followed by our tradition of margaritas and French fries as we waited for the ferry to arrive to take us home. We saw my grandmother for dinner, had flying saucers from Carvel, watched a movie before bed.... this is what summer should always be. Family, simple pleasures, and sunshine. I needed all of this so badly, and the universe delivered. Thank you so so much for that. 

reading : Catch-22. I know I've been reading it for a while, but I took a little break this past weekend to read Shiver, which I thought would be better beach reading material. I really liked it! I'm a sucker for YA fantasy novels, so....

writing : Thoughts and posts associated with my little trip home. There have been so many things going on lately, both good and bad, and it's made me reflect on what it means to grow up and the importance of home. 

listening : To a small plane flying overhead and the whirr of the air conditioner running in the living room. Otherwise, things are usually pretty quiet and peaceful here. 

thinking :  About so many things! With each step I take, I am flooded with so many vivid memories of growing up, like doing cartwheels on the front lawn, following my dad through the backyard garden, building a fort out of wicker headboards in the back corner of the fence... 

smelling :  Warm summer air. 

wishing :  For the ability to accept change. Everything has been changing at once, it seems, and I'd like to gracefully accept that this is part of life. Turns out that this is actually quite difficult. Sigh. 

hoping :  For a good work week. Last week dragged on and was full of chaos, and I just want this week to be kinder. 

wearing :  PJs. There's something about lazy summer mornings that makes you want to pad around in PJs for a while before getting ready for the day. 

loving :  My life. Amidst all of the changes, the fact is that I have loving people all around me, and I am really grateful for that. 

wanting :   The rest of my J. Crew Factory order to arrive this week! One of my shirts was a disappointment, so I'm hoping that #2 will be better. 

needing :  Time. 

feeling :  Nostalgic, pensive, wistful... but also very happy. Yesterday was perfect. Truly perfect. 

clicking :  On the Cup Song from Pitch Perfect, as I am learning how to do the cup part while singing "When I'm Gone." Slowly but surely, I'm getting there! :) 

Linking up with Lauren for the Sunday Currently 

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