The Not-So-Great Things

Day 24: Your top 3 worst traits

We're all works in progress, yet sometimes it's hard to own up to our shortcomings. I certainly don't think I'm perfect, but it can be difficult to clearly see what our faults are. Hopefully we have some insight into our character, and we can try to see the areas that could use some improvement. Here's what I've learned so far:

1. I like to control things and for things to be done my way.

I know, I know. I'm a bit of a control freak. I have gotten much better with this, in part due to the life philosophy I've cultivated in my adulthood that reminds me that I cannot control everything, so accept that fact and move on. Even so, I can turn into a bit of a ball of high-anxiety when it comes to things like leaving our cat in the care of a friend or letting the hubs paint the living room while I'm away. I know that things will most likely be okay, but I would feel much better if I could supervise everything to make sure nothing is overlooked. I know how I like things done!

2. I get incredibly shy at inopportune times. 

When the hubs and I were traveling around South America years ago, I often was overcome with shyness/social anxiety and was so nervous about asking questions (to waiters, to bus ticket agents, to our hosts) in Spanish that I made the hubs do it for me. The problem? He didn't speak any Spanish, and I did. Oops! This, of course, drove him crazy since his language skills were so limited, and it would have been far more effective for me to do the talking. The hubs has gotten better with pushing me through these episodes and reminds me that I'm being ridiculous (in a nice way!), but I admit that my shyness still pops up from time to time.

3. I can be a bit moralistic and rigid with my standards.

Overall, I think I am a very accepting person, but from time to time I feel absolutely incensed when someone I love fails to live up to the expectation I have of them. This is very unfair of me, because oftentimes the expectation is superhuman or unfair to begin with, yet I still get so upset about it. When the hubs was trying to quit smoking in college, I would throw a fit if I would find him with a cigarette. The poor guy was trying so hard, and all I could see was the negative! This is without a doubt my very worst trait, and it's one I'm ashamed of. It's something I am very aware of and constantly working to improve, but unfortunately it still pops its head up every now and again. Again, I embrace our humanness and imperfection, but part of my own imperfection is that awful judgment. Thankfully this isn't one of my main characteristics, or I would be miserable!

Since I believe in balance and don't want to ruminate on my flaws, I'd like to end with three things I think are pretty great about myself! :D

1. I have a sense of humor.

Even when picking out my worst traits, I can laugh at them and love myself, anyway. If you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point? No matter how bad things can be sometimes, there is usually a laugh just around the corner.

2. I am capable of embracing love. 

My friends and family are so important to me, and I love them dearly. I like to let others know that they matter, and I enjoy expressing my love through acts of kindness or a nice word.

3. I am my own person.

I'm a quirky gal, and though I might not always be cool, I still love who I am. I don't mean this in the aggressive if-you-don't-like-me-go-jump-in-a-lake sense. It's impossible to be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. I just mean that I genuinely like who I am as a person. I love my life, and even though I could be better in some areas, I like being me. :)

Hurrah!

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What I Do, Who I Am

Day 6: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, "What do you do?"

Confession: I always feel a little startled when people define themselves solely by their jobs because I think it's important to be multifaceted and not be defined by a single aspect of your life. Even so, when I read today's prompt and thought about what I do outside of my job, it seemed so clear to me that while I don't define myself as being "just a grad student" or "just a counselor," they do represent higher values and goals that make up who I am. For me, the "doing" is very much tied to "being." I try to honor my values and identity by putting them into action. 

So what do I do? I think I can't answer that without also answering who I am. 

I love my family. I try to be a good daughter(in-law), sister(in-law), wife, granddaughter, aunt, niece, and cousin by showing my family I love them. I talk to my mom on the phone multiple times per week, I keep an eye out in bookstores for things my dad might like, and I remind the hubs to send his mom a birthday card. What do I do? I love and nurture.

I like to laugh. Humor is a big part of being in my family, and it's just not a normal family dinner if someone's not making goofy faces or speaking in an accent at some point during the meal. This has definitely translated into my friendships, as well, and I enjoy having fun and being totally silly with my friends, no matter how stressful things can get sometimes. What do I do? I bring light-heartedness to my relationships.

I'm a good listener. I adore my job as a therapist/counselor/whatever-term-you-prefer because I enjoy helping others and giving them a space to be whoever they are, no matter how dark and terrible they think they are. It can be extremely difficult at times, but ultimately I derive so much meaning in my life from serving in this role. Each glimmer of hope that we uncover together is worth a thousand times 
more than the rough patches. What do I do? I accept and value.

I'm a bookworm. One of my uncles used to tease me each time he came over our house because, as he said, I would be in the same exact position every single time he saw me: tucked into the corner of the living room couch, voraciously reading a book. This wonderful habit started to wane when I started graduate school, but I've recently launched myself back into it and have loved rediscovering the joy of reading truly good literature. What do I do? I float away into the worlds created by great writers.

I like to learn. No, I love to learn. My first day of kindergarten, I was wearing a bright pink Benetton shirt and penny-loafers, a stuffed animal in my arms, and a wide grin on my face. My dad snapped a picture of me beaming outside of the school, and then I realized that the other kids around me were crying and gripping their parents' legs, refusing to take another step into the building. This baffled me, as I couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't be thrilled about starting school! That mentality stuck with me throughout school and made it possible for me to progress on to graduate school. I'm hugely nerdy, and I say that with pride. Education rocks. What do I do? I learn, read, study, and write. 

What do you do?

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Me and my blog

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. In theory, I'm the type of person who was born to blog. I'm a bit of an introvert but act like an extrovert. Does that sound weird? I mean that I can be pretty shy and quiet at times, but other times I'm a kooky, loud, ridiculous person who loves to laugh and make others laugh. I have a need to share my life with others, and the lure of the internet is perfect for putting your life out there for others to see. Back in the day, I used to rock my Deadjournal (like Livejournal, but for dorky emo kids) until a former friend started a hate campaign in my comments section, and then I had to make all of my posts friends-only. Oh, high school, I do not miss your drama.

I've dabbled in Livejournaling, YouTubing, Tumblring, and the other usual suspects. Last year I became convinced that I was destined to have a Psychology blog, but I quickly ran out of steam. The Quixotic Chica is inspired by my Tumblr account, which I still love, but isn't all that conducive to straight-up blogging. So here I am!

I'm not sure what the identity of my blog will be, but I envision it being a throwback to how I used to blog, meaning that I just want to write about whatever is on my mind and have a record of this crazy weird time in my life where I am definitely in adulthood yet still feel like a 16-year-old. It will be a little frustrating not to write about identifying personal details (I'm a counselor and try to keep my personal life private from clients who are prone to Googling me), since I think that's a big part of blogging, but I'm going to try to figure out how I can fit into the blogging community in my own way.

Whatever happens with this blog, I look forward to exploring my creative side and hopefully making a few friends along the way!

:D