Hiatus

 Oh, darling readers, I hardly know where to begin. I have slipped off once again into the folds of life away from the internet, a life filled with moving parts, mysterious unknowns, and delightful surprises. 

Things have been busy the past few weeks. The postdoc application and interview process brought on so much stress about the future, more specifically the futile desire to control everything and to predict what the future will hold. Pesky little thing, wanting to know things that I cannot. 

I learned things about myself that I thought I knew already, but it turns out that maybe we could all use a refresher course on our growth areas and coping skills. It's hard for me to focus on the next step when the present needs tending to, and distraction only made my head spin even more wildly. I felt so drained and so uncertain, and I don't like feeling that way. 

Eventually, I realized that I needed to cut out some nonessential parts of my life so that the areas that were more important could get the care they needed. As much as I love this blogging community, I knew that I could not prep for interviews and fulfill my work obligations while simultaneously writing blog posts. I just did not have the time or mental energy. 

And you know what? I'm glad that I took that break. It let me remove myself from Frantic Autopilot Mode Life and switch into actually being effective and present. Life also settled down a bit, and I'm finding that I feel much happier and more certain about the future. I no longer feel so spread thin, and I can finally breathe again.

With that in mind, I am realizing that I need to continue this hiatus for a bit longer. I have been given a wonderful opportunity for next year, and in order for me to actually fulfill it, I need to finish my dissertation. Soon. And I cannot do that without focusing on the essentials and committing myself to this project. 

I might pop back here sporadically for an impromptu visit, but otherwise, I am officially putting myself on hiatus until my dissertation has been defended, approved, signed, and submitted to the library. I will still follow my favorite bloggers, and my Instagram and Twitter will be alive and well, so I won't be going completely silent. However, as far as new content in this blog space, I likely will not be rolling out new posts for a while longer. Expect me to make an official return in June or July, doctoral degree in hand! :)

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So, About This Blogging Thing....

Does anyone else feel like life has been especially busy lately? I suppose that's to be expected when the lazy days of summer float away, replaced by the invigoration and of autumn. And that's okay, really. I love how this time of year makes me feel more motivated and less sluggish, and I really love what I do. I have so many moments of, "Wow, life is really freaking good" that make the tougher moments worth it, and I know I am lucky to be able to write that. I feel lucky.

But, damn, sometimes working full-time is hard, not so much because the work itself is hard (it is, but in a good way), but because I haven't quite figured out what I want my post-work hours to look like. I value self-care a lot, and I wouldn't be able to do the work I do without taking care of myself. That means having quiet time, drinking water, eating good meals, exercising every now and again, and having quality time with the hubs. It also means creating fun content to share on this blog, but as you may have noticed lately, that frequency has been dropping off the past few weeks. I have to admit that I'm stumped with this one-- How do I contribute to this outlet when sometimes all I want to do when I get home is enjoy a glass of wine over dinner with the hubs and extol the joys of wearing sweatpants?

Practically speaking, I'm learning that I need to write posts in advance. Writing after a long day of work just doesn't work for me, and it's more important to me to be present with the hubs rather than staring at a computer screen in silence. Now that I'm spending more time on my dissertation, however, I'm struggling to fit blogging in when I'm also trying to knock out a chapter so that, you know, I can finally earn my doctorate next summer (fingers crossed-- yes, you may call me Dr. Sarah). That is kiiiind of majorly important to me, too. So what's a chica to do?

I don't know, internet people. I just don't know. I suppose that I just keep trying to find balance, knowing that sometimes the scale will tip more towards the academic obligations, then back towards personal relationships, and then over to the recreational stuff for a while (clearly, this is a three-way scale-- obviously). And I'm okay with that, mostly. I still feel guilty when the spotlight dims over one of those areas, but I'm learning to accept it. I am human, after all, and I can't do everything. I'd love to, but... no.

I just needed to write this all out and share it. I know that this isn't a novel challenge for bloggers, and I have seen a lot of posts about this in recent months. I suppose I just want to say that I feel it, too, but because I value being mindful and present in my life, I am giving myself permission to let that list of half-written posts drag on for a little bit longer. I will still try to plan in advance and will aim to complete some of my ideas so that I can share them here, but it's a process, and I'm learning, and it's okay if I don't execute it perfectly.

So overall, autumn has motivated me to create and to connect, but it won't always involve the interweb. And that's okay! There is a 3-D life out there, and it is pretty darn wonderful. :)

Thank You

Day 27: A letter to your readers

Dear Readers,

I'd like to take a moment to thank you for being you and for visiting my blog. As I figure out my place in the blog world and try out different things here, it can be a little bumpy and confusing at times, but every kind word of encouragement has mattered so much to me along the way. Thank you for commenting, thank you for reading, and thank you for introducing me to so many other wonderful stories. It's a big, slightly overwhelming internet out there, and and it's nice to feel a little more at home with each post. 

Thank you.

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Me and my blog

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. In theory, I'm the type of person who was born to blog. I'm a bit of an introvert but act like an extrovert. Does that sound weird? I mean that I can be pretty shy and quiet at times, but other times I'm a kooky, loud, ridiculous person who loves to laugh and make others laugh. I have a need to share my life with others, and the lure of the internet is perfect for putting your life out there for others to see. Back in the day, I used to rock my Deadjournal (like Livejournal, but for dorky emo kids) until a former friend started a hate campaign in my comments section, and then I had to make all of my posts friends-only. Oh, high school, I do not miss your drama.

I've dabbled in Livejournaling, YouTubing, Tumblring, and the other usual suspects. Last year I became convinced that I was destined to have a Psychology blog, but I quickly ran out of steam. The Quixotic Chica is inspired by my Tumblr account, which I still love, but isn't all that conducive to straight-up blogging. So here I am!

I'm not sure what the identity of my blog will be, but I envision it being a throwback to how I used to blog, meaning that I just want to write about whatever is on my mind and have a record of this crazy weird time in my life where I am definitely in adulthood yet still feel like a 16-year-old. It will be a little frustrating not to write about identifying personal details (I'm a counselor and try to keep my personal life private from clients who are prone to Googling me), since I think that's a big part of blogging, but I'm going to try to figure out how I can fit into the blogging community in my own way.

Whatever happens with this blog, I look forward to exploring my creative side and hopefully making a few friends along the way!

:D