October 30, 2013

The Good Wife


The hubs and I recently celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary, so, naturally, I have been nostalgic lately and remembering the details and emotions of that beautiful day in New York. Betsy's prompt for her sponsor link-up made me think of everything that this past year has been filled with, all of those moments that have happened since our wedding day and what they say about our relationship.

The past year has been filled with much more good than bad, and this first year of marriage has actually been quite easy. The hubs and I have been together for over eight years, though, and I think that all of those years spent together made the transition to marriage easier than it might have been otherwise. Truthfully, married life isn't all that different from unmarried life, and I like that. For us, it's an indication of our comfort together and of the devotion that we had for each other before diamond rings ever entered the picture. The novelty of referring to each other as "husband" and "wife" still hasn't entirely worn off, and I must admit it still makes me grin like a big nerd inside.

But what makes a good wife? 

I struggle to answer this particular question because the truth is, I don't really view our roles as "wife" or "husband." I view it more as being each other's partner, each other's support. So what makes somebody a good support? That probably depends on what the other person needs. Being a good partner means listening when the hubs has something to say,  compromising for the sake of the larger good, reminding him to bring a coat when it's cold outside, and applauding him when he has a victory. It means thanking him when he cooks dinner most nights, sharing holidays between our families, and trying not to torture him with my ice-cold feet at night (that last one usually doesn't work out so well).

Being a good partner means supporting your own partner in the ways that they most need, not just in the ways that they most want (though that's okay sometimes, too-- I know that the hubs appreciates a good gingerbread cookie, and while I'm capable of making my own dinner, I love that the hubs takes the lead in the kitchen). It also means taking care of yourself and asserting your own needs so that the relationship can have good communication and balance. After all, a partner who always gives and never receives will ultimately run out of resources, and that can spell trouble for a relationship.

Ultimately, I think that what makes a good partner will probably vary a lot across relationships, and likely even within them-- our needs at this point in our lives will probably be a bit different from our needs thirty years from now. For us, I don't think we can go wrong with aiming to be attuned to each other and striving to support each other with honesty and integrity. 

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